Saying I Love You and Miss You with a Balloon Launch ...

A year ago yesterday - January 23, 2011 - Jon and I made one of the hardest decisions we ever had to make.  We gave our dog Zoey a pair of angel wings and sent her off to heaven with the hopes that she would be pain free and could run again on two perfect hind legs since we just couldn't make them perfect here.

It has been a rough year for all of us.  We all miss her very much.  Which hasn't been hard because she was the type of dog that could nestle her way into the core of your heart!  She loved everyone and wanted everyone to love her.  She was a good friend, companion and loyal to the very end.  I remember last year, that Sunday morning way to well.  I remember sitting on the foyer rug stroking her head as tears streamed down my face.  Apologizing for all the times I was tough on her and unloaded my frustrations on her.  Telling her that she was my best furry friend and that I will miss her and never forget her.  I told her that I loved her so much that I was making a tough decision but I wanted her to be happy again, pain free and be able to chase a ball without surgery.  The downside was that we wouldn't be together anymore.  The selfless friend that she was, she just sat there licking the tears as they ran down my face.  Even in all her pain she was comforting me.  That's what she did, comforted me on some tough days.

The decision to humanely end another living thing's life is a hard one.  You second guess your decision, which is something I have done for the last year.  Often wonder  - would she have gotten better had we decided to try surgery again?  Every way I try to spin it, I just don't see how her quality of life would have been what she ultimately needed to be 100% happy.  I've had people tell me that all she really wanted was to make me (us) happy.  She was happy just being with us.  Then I remember the many times she escaped from the yard and I think how much all she wanted to do was be able run and play.  Something she lost complete ability to do.

I'm not sure I'll completely come to a place were I feel we made the right decision in my heart, but my head tells me that we did.  Just would be so much easier to shed the guilt if she could only tell me she's not mad that we cut her loose and sent her to heaven.  Although I think she was trying to the other night, she came to visit me in a dream.  She ran to me licked my face and gave me a hug.  Just like she did when she was here.  She literally would wrap her paws around my neck and shoulders and then kiss my cheek.  She did that in my dream.  She must have known that I've been dreading this one year anniversary that I'm guilt ridden about getting another dog.  I think that was her way of saying, she's okay - I'm okay with you moving on.

I made the mistake of sharing with Norah last Friday afternoon that Monday (yesterday) was the anniversary of Zoey gaining her angel wings.  We both cried a little bit and then talked about Zoey.  She asked if we could send a balloon up to heaven on her anniversary to tell her we love her and miss her.  What a wonderful idea Miss Norah came up with.  So I agreed that we would do just that.  After looking back, I think telling her about the anniversary was the right thing after all.

So yesterday arrived.  Jon tells me that he had a dream Sunday night that Zoey and he were playing ball in the backyard.  Something she loved to do.  As he started the car yesterday morning, he heard this song by Keane - "Somewhere Only We Know" (click on link to hear the song).  A song that for some strange reason every time we hear it, it reminds us of Zoey.  It was "big" the year she was born.  We heard it a lot on our way to Hilton Head Island, Zoey's first beach vacation.

We decided to go to Red Robin for dinner to celebrate Zoey's angel wings (and because it is a place that Donovan can eat gluten free food), they have the best balloons to send up to Zoey.  We sat down at the table and a young lady in the booth behind us had a lone balloon, she tapped my shoulder and asked me if we wanted her balloon.  How weird is that???

Each child wanted their own balloon so after dinner they picked out two more balloons.  We sent two balloons up to heaven, because Donovan couldn't part with his.  So Jon, Donovan and I shared a balloon to send to Zoey.  Norah had her own.

Norah, Donovan and I with our 2 balloons.
Daddy was taking the picture!

Since it was so dark it was hard to see the 2 balloons, so I highlighted them with 2 hearts.
Inside the hearts you can see two dark dots, those are the balloons.

The wind was strong last night, the balloons floated away quickly to heaven.  I'm sure Zoey was happy to get her Red Robin balloons, knowing that we were thinking of her and miss her and love her very much.

There is never a day that I don't miss my pooch.  Every day I walk down my stairs and I don't see her bed and her looking up at me with the tail wagging back and forth my heart hurts.  Every time I open up the freezer, I miss her running to get an ice cube.  One thing I know for sure, I'll never forget her and I can't wait to see her again in heaven.  No matter how many other dogs come and go through my life, Zoey will always hold that special spot.  She was my first baby.