Wrinkles of Time....

I'm going through a midlife crisis!  It's called vanity.

I feel younger and thinner it's the mirror that reflects something different.  Damn mirror!

I've always acted younger than my chronological age, strictly due to self-imposed immaturity.  Let's face it no one wants to grow old.  What fun is there in doing that?  I married later in life, had kids later too - I'm just slow to mature mentally.

But....time keeps ticking and the cells of the body continue to get older and there is nothing you can do about that.  Not even the best plastic surgery can stop time and aging - they can only mask it with Botox and surgeries.

I look at pictures from when I got married 11 years ago.  I see why my husband found me attractive and I'm certainly lucky I caught him when I did - it was probably the point in my life where I peaked in body beautiful.  Ok - that sounds really arrogant - and I'm so not like that.  But compared to the teenager I was, wearing glasses, braces and acne and the person I've become in my (gasp) late 40s - flabby well- worn childbearing gut, gray hairs hidden by color treatments and fine and deep creases in my face.  I can call my 20s-30s my body beautiful years.

I'm not sure when I've become vain, I think it started last winter when I went back to my former employer after 10 years and realized we all had changed - then I looked in the mirror and realized I did too.

I recently had family photographs taken by a really good friend.  I was eager to see them but worried I wouldn't like what I saw as it pertained to me.  A couple of days ago I read an article about things dying people regret the most.  The number one thing was not loving their body.  Not respecting it and not embracing this shell that houses our souls.  It was a very profound article, and it made me think that I do need to give credit to this body that houses my soul.  It allows me to walk, drive, exercise, bear children, hug my kids and my husband.  Without it I wouldn't be me.

We got the pictures and they were beautifully done and I loved them, I did struggle with a few of the close up face shots where you can see the creases - but I looked in the mirror this morning and I didn't see any creases.  When I looked stern or tried a sad face I didn't see any creases.  I smiled - guess what I saw?

I'll be damned .... It's all the smiling, fun times, happiness and laughter that caused these creases.  So I guess my creases on my face are like rings on a tree trunk, measuring the sheer joy life has given me. My natural permanent tattoos checking off years and years of happiness!

So the next time I look at a woman's face and see creases, I'll just know that she must have had a lot of pleasure and laughter in her life!  And when you look at me, I hope you think the same!