When you are a little girl (and some boys too - don't want to be labeled sexist) one of the more popular imagination activities is playing house. We get our little dolls for our Birthdays, Christmas, or Hanukkah and we pretend we are mommies. We have our play kitchens with our appliances, tables and chairs, and dishes/pans and our play cradles for our baby dolls. We make imaginary dinners and have imaginary husbands (or if you were lucky enough to have a little boy willing to pretend being the husband/dad). In my case, it was an imaginary husband/dad. But I can tell you, he was molded out of the image of my Dad, he was "perfect" just like my Dad!
When I grew up, I was only blessed with one living grandparent. My Dad's Dad - my PoePoe. He was an extremely independent man who lived on his own until the day he gained his angel wings at the age of 89. He never drove, but traveled daily via public transportation or walked. I never knew him to be ill. He might have a cold here and there - but I never knew him to suffer from any medical ailment, I have no recollection of him even visiting a hospital. In simple terms, he was a pretty simple senior citizen and passed sitting in his chair after coming back from a walk to the bank during cold weather. If there were any health issues, my parents managed to shield that from us grandkids.
I fall in the gray area of generations- the very tail end of the Boomers and the beginning of Generation Xers - I got to experience some of the 1950's mentality. My Mom was our family's CEO, COO and CFO, although my dad earned the money.
It took me a while to find the right husband, my Dad was pretty hard to measure up to, you know. But I think I picked successfully - actually, I know I picked successfully! And, I was a mature first time mom and what seemed to be so easy as the little girl playing house, was a bit of a challenge in real life. Add, child #2 with Noonan Syndrome and playing house just got really complicated. The most challenging the game of "house" got was when I had 2 Baby Tender Loves - a 6 year old managing "twins".
So when I had babies of my own, I was ill prepared. I was certainly much better at managing work projects than the lives of little beings. Or at least that was my initial thought. I learned to adapt, and I do have a great helper in my husband.
I felt I was finally in a good place with raising my little ones, so I decided to go back to work. Something I never practiced when playing house - being a working mom. I mean really, I didn't have any idea of a place called daycare, or nannies when I was 6. And my mom was a stay-at-home mom, and so were most of the moms in the neighborhood.
I finally make this switch to working mom and the pendulum swings a different way. My parents begin to have the challenges that come with growing older. They see more doctors, they require more medication, there are more hospital visits and their mobility and independence begins to lessen. They are finding they are relying on their children more and its difficult for them to accept. It's hard for the kids to accept too, but not in the way they might think. Its just hard to see vibrant go-getting people forced to slow down. I hate sometime treating them like they are kids, and I try very hard to weigh my words because they are still my parents, and I have no right to tell them what to do. I can only offer my thoughts and allow them to make decisions.
Again, while playing house at the age of 6, I had no idea that growing up would come with not only managing children but also being available for aging parents, and helping to meet their needs.
As medicine progresses and allows us all to live longer, there will always be a generation that becomes the "pickle in the middle". Those managing children and aging parents.
To my parents - I love you both to infinity and beyond and I feel honored I get the opportunity to help you navigate through this stage of life. Thank you for being the people I try to emulate.
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