New Years Resolutions ....

I am walking into 2012 with no expectations.  I'm am going to let it play out just the way it is supposed to play out.

2010 was such a messed up year.  It started out with my dog's injury, then my Dad fell right before vacation, then when we got back we found out he had a significant medical issue to deal with.  My aunt was diagnosed as being "terminal" and eventually passed away, my mom became very ill and it was dicey for a while there.  Then our dog became very ill from medication right before Christmas 2010.  I felt like 2010 had gone to hell and 2011 should be nothing but full of rainbows and sunshine.  I remember welcoming 2011 with open arms and celebrating the close of 2010.  I had high expectations for 2011.

In the first 2 months of 2011 it looked like it was going to be such a disappointment!  The dog was laid to rest, my son stopped eating food all together, and he lands in the hospital for 19 days because of a bleeding disorder we didn't know he had but caused a huge hematoma in his small intestine as a result of an endoscopy procedure he had done so we could figure out why he wasn't eating.  I remember being so dejected those first couple of months.

As I look back on things, all the bad brought about some good too.  They were apparently stepping stones towards better things.  Honestly, I'm not sure about what good came from the dog's death.  Her being gone was a blessing only in that I didn't have to worry about her for the 19 days my son was in the hospital and that I could better focus my efforts on him.  I'd rather of passed her off to someone else for the month then for her to have to die - but sometimes in life you can't choose you just have to let it play out.

Had my son not had the endoscopy, we would have still been feeding him gluten as we would probably never had known that gluten would be an issue.  And if that was the case, he would be sitting with a feeding tube in his stomach because I'm quite sure he would have not started eating again.  Without the endoscopy, we would not have found out that he had a platelet function disorder at this point in life.  Better for us to know about it now, so we can take the necessary precautions for future procedures and to minimize harm, especially head injuries.  So the endoscopy served as a two-fold purpose.  To get my son eating again, but to serve as a warning about my son's platelet function.

Myself, I learned that it's okay to take medicine to make my anxiety go away and to help me be a better person from top to bottom.  I hadn't liked myself for so long and with just a 1/2 dose of medicine a day I feel "perfectly normal" for the first time in so very long.

As a result of various other frustrations in life, we would never have stumbled upon my daughter's school as an option.  I can't say enough how happy we are with her school, education, and environment. She has grown-up in so many ways in just a short little time and I attribute it to her educational experience.

We went to Disney this year, and it was a most needed vacation from a very stressful and hard first quarter of the year.  We had so much fun and it was so fun to see my son experience Disney the way a little boy who loves Buzz Lightyear should.  I will relish the 7 trips through the "Zurg" ride in my mind and heart forever.  I have permanently etched in my brain and heart the image of Buzz hugging my son for the first time.

I could say we had a really cruddy year in 2011, but it wasn't really that bad.  It started out rough but as I said, I think those were all stepping stones towards better things and answers we needed to move forward in life.  Yes, it was torturous some minutes, hours and days - but we made it through it.  We did because we have a great support system in family and friends.  Without them, things would have been infinitely more stressful and difficult.  We will never be able to say thank you enough to each and every one of you who helped us through the month of February.  But know that everything you all did was beyond appreciated!

So on to 2012 ... again, I have no expectations.  I have hopes that it will be a calmer year than last.  It will be filled with good things and the occasional bad things.  Just hoping the scale will tip lighter on the bad and heavier on the good!

I do have some resolutions:
1)  To be a calmer person and more patient
2)  To maintain optimism even when it might be a silly notion at the moment
3)  To laugh more
4)  To exercise more and eat healthy (hopefully run a 10k by spring)
5)  To de-clutter my life and to become more organized

I am looking forward to 2012.