Loss of Integrity

I'm not even sure what to title this blog.

I know of a Catholic High School that has taken pride in its ability to educate it's students and to graduate wholesome, moral and outstanding students.  The community of alumni are a very tight knit group of people that will go well beyond boundaries to help another classmate/alumnus out, whether it be job networking, fund raising to name a few.

When I had my son 3 years ago, my goal was to have him go to this particular school when he reached High School.  I wanted him to be among this outstanding group of people.  And when I say outstanding, I mean genuinely good people - good to the core!  I wanted him to follow in my father's footsteps.

The other day, when I stopped over my parent's house with my kids, my Mom handed me a letter.  A letter that stunned me and saddened my soul.  The letter was from the current President of the school sharing a very sad and stunning story of a former student (alumnus) who after 50+ years came forward to share his story of abuse by one of his high school teachers, a priest.  Abuse that no one should ever have to be a victim of - that abuse was rape.

Since this alumnus came forward and shared his story, several other of his classmates have come forward to share their accounts of personal tragedies at the hands of this same priest.

I am sickened by this story on so many levels.  One, I've been a victim of rape and it strips away a layer of you.  So hard to explain, but it's a layer of "your" being that you will never ever be able to repair.  It just exists in this numb like state forever.  I, at least, had the ability to communicate my abuse and not hide it for 50 years of my life like these men have done.  My abuse has not taken over me completely because I was able to report what happened to me and get the necessary "help" to move forward in life.  I did not have to hide in shame, or preserve the reputation of my abuser.  My heart just aches to know that there were other human beings victims of a horrible crime that have had to hide in shame and all the while feeling the need to preserve the reputation of a person who I consider to be an "evil monster".

This high school has a glowing reputation of graduating fine young people.  The alumni are proud to say they are graduates of this high school.  Integrity has always been the word that comes to my mind when I meet a person who has graduated from this school.

I read this letter from the President and I could feel the sadness and shame by association he felt for being a member of this "priesthood"!  You feel his sincerity on wanting to "right" the "wrong" in any way he could.  You could tell that his heart was broken, and the wind has ripped through his sail.

I looked over at my Dad - and he didn't say a word.  He didn't have to, I could feel the disappointment.  I  could read the questions of WHY and how could THIS happen at a school that prides itself on integrity, written all over his face.

I don't know WHY this happens, I don't know why the Catholic Church has bred "rapists" as their sacramental leaders.  It breaks my heart.  My grade school had several pedophile priests.  I can honestly say, I don't look at priests the same way I did when I was younger.  I'm more skeptical and I'm not so sure I want my son to ever be alone with one.  I'm not sure I can take that risk.

I know how Ohio State fans felt letdown by Jim Tressel when he lied about not knowing what his players were doing.  I'm starting to feel letdown by the Catholic Church for not managing the core of its leadership - the priests that are supposed to be Christ like and serve the Church and the people in it!