Not sure if this is like a kick in the butt from above or just coincidence. As you know I've been sort of in a "limbo" state with Religion. Sort of the "Doubting Thomas" if you will. The other day I was in Target looking for a few items. I stopped in the "book section" to see if I could find a book for my son by an author that we like. We can't seem to find it on Amazon or at the major book stores but thought I'd check anyway. So walking past the "mature" book section, I just happened to take a quick glance at a book without picking it up and sizing it up from afar The cover and title caught my fancy - the cover is a little boy about my daughter's age and he was sporting a sweater vest, short sleeve shirt and pants and had the blondest hair - just looked so darn cute. The title of the book was "Heaven is for Real". I picked up the book thinking it was a "novel" and wanted to learn more about the "story". Well instead of being a fiction book its a story written about a preschool age boy who essentially died and went to Heaven and his account of what he witnessed while in Heaven. The boy's father is a pastor of an Evangelic Protestant based Church and it seemed at first to be a little too "preachy/Christian" for me. I get sort of wigged out by very Bible thumping - makes me very uncomfortable, so I put the book back on the shelf. I guess I was sort of questioning the validity before reading the book because the book was about a pastor's child claiming he was in Heaven, sat on Jesus' lap, etc. Then I felt this push to purchase and read the book, thinking maybe I'd get some validation to my "Faith".
I hate to say this, but I started reading the book with a bad attitude - thinking we're getting an account from a child who's parents are deeply rooted in a Christian religion. The child must have picked up some of these things when his parents were talking or heard some of these things from other adults in the Church community.
After I got past a few of the chapters and Biblical passages - I became fascinated with the book and the child's experience. Hearing the child's statement to him that Jesus told him that "He loves the children" made me think back to being a child. This is going to sound really corny, but when I was young child I always wanted to die young. I wanted to die young because I thought Jesus was so handsome (I'm speaking of an artist's depiction of him - the Sacred Heart rendition) that I wanted to be young enough that He would want to marry me. I figured if I died too old, He wouldn't think I was pretty enough! I remember looking at this particular picture we had in my home for a period of time and was captivated by it and the fact that no matter where I was in the room, Jesus appeared to be always looking at me.
So because of this "innocence" of a child, I decided to be more open-minded when I read this book. I have to say, I didn't want to put the book down because I was getting some answers to some very deep rooted Faith based questions. After reading the book, I find I still believe in God, Jesus and Heaven. That Heaven is a beautiful place filled with tranquility. Some things that the child discussed after his brief encounter in Heaven was that Jesus had these incredible eyes! That God was very large and that he did sit on a Throne and Jesus sat to the right of him. Heaven was filled with angels with wings, and if I remember correctly, everyone in Heaven had wings and wore white garments with sashes and robe like belts. What makes this "story" believable is that the child knew exactly where his parents were in the hospital when he left his "body" to ascend into Heaven. Something he would not have known otherwise. He never met his father's grandfather - yet when in Heaven his great-grandfather was there to greet him and take care of him. He also met his sister, a baby his mother miscarried - a baby he never knew about. He talked about how there were animals in Heaven, especially dogs! He also talked about "satan" and that he does actually exist. I'm just touching on a few things but it gave me some peace of mind. Oh, and the Virgin Mary was there too, sitting with Jesus.
I think back over the years of some prayers that were answered - and I really truly believe that Divine Intervention made things better. I also had a weird thing happen to me when a dear Aunt of mine passed away this past October. I was fortunate enough to see her roughly 12 hours before she passed away. I got to hold her hand, talk to her and massage her feet. During my Aunt's last month or so on earth, my Mom was very very ill with miscellaneous medical aliments. She hadn't seen my Aunt (her sister) for at least a month. Even though my Mom wasn't feeling 100% I encouraged her to go see my Aunt because I had this feeling she was waiting to say a final goodbye to my Mom. I happened to be at the hospice facility before my Mom and Dad arrived. I told my Aunt that my Mom was coming to visit and that she should be around shortly. When my Mom arrived my Aunt turned her head to see her. She lost her ability to talk, but you can tell through her breathing she was so happy to see my Mom and Dad. When we walked out of the hospice facility that afternoon, I told my parents she was waiting to see my Mom, that she would go peacefully sometime in the next 24 hours. Today I can't exactly remember the time my Aunt passed away, but in the middle of the night my daughter woke me up and wanted to snuggle with me - she said she just needed me and I decided not to fight her and just let her hop in bed with me and my husband. As she snuggled in, I closed my eyes and a bright white light hit me in the face. I rolled over and looked at the clock and took note of what time it was. The next morning when I woke up I got a call from my Mom telling me that my Aunt had passed away. I asked if she knew what time and my Mom told me, it was the same time I rolled over and looked at the clock. I'm pretty sure my Aunt did a "fly by" and she woke both my daughter and me up to let me know she was ok.
A similar thing happened to me when we put our dog down a couple of months ago. Again, I can't remember if it was the same day or the next day, but I felt my dog's presence in the room. She was rubbing up against my leg. I smiled and whispered hello, Zoey. I took note of the time and my neighbor behind me said her dog was acting weird around the exact same time. The dog only acted like that when she saw my dog outside. I like to think my dog did a "fly by" to tell me she was okay, that she wasn't mad at me for sending her off to Heaven and to give me a proper goodbye.
After reading this boy's account of Heaven, I do feel like its believable and that God exists and wants the best for all of us! I guess the thing that has fostered a deeper belief in Jesus is that after so many years of viewing so many renditions of Jesus pictures, the little boy found a picture of Jesus that another child drew after her visit to Heaven and he said it was the same "Jesus" he met in Heaven. This little girl was born to parents who were non-believers of God.
I'll admit that I'm still a bit confused about why God wanted His son to suffer such a horrible experience here on earth. I guess it must be so that God, in the form of his Son Jesus, could relate to what its like to be "human", and to hopefully get "us" to realize that He loves us. And I guess I don't fully understand exactly why Jesus had to suffer this way to save us from final damnation. I'm not sure how His death saves us? I haven't really put that connection together, other than its proof that He "rose from the dead".
I'm still working on this "Faith" thing. If everything this little boy says is true, then I feel really lucky that God gave me my son. It just says to me that God put a lot of faith in me, my husband and daughter - that we would be good parents and sibling to a child that needs a little extra attention. Or, God thinks my husband, daughter and I need to work on the "art of patience". I'd like to think its a little of both!
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