I was fortunate to see my daughter when she was 8 beautiful cells big. Yes, I really said 8 cells. She was conceived via IVF and she was one of only 3 embryos to survive transfer. I prayed and prayed for her and I remember exactly where I was when I got the call from the doctor telling me that my pregnancy test was positive - walking in the Metroparks with my husband and our dog! I remember where and when I felt her first kicks in my belly - Christmas Day 2005 and I was sitting in the basement family room of my parent's home. I remember vividly the ultrasound that told me she was a "girl" and how happy I was that she was healthy and a girl! I remember talking to her ever day as I drove the 40 minutes to work and singing along to the James Blunt song "You're Beautiful" playing on the radio at the same time every morning. I prayed the Rosary every evening hoping that the Blessed Virgin Mary would keep her safe and bring her to me healthy through and through. I remember the day I thought I was going into labor and even though the pain was so unbearable, I was so very very excited because I was going to finally meet her. I remember most of my delivery and how horrible I felt and worried that I wasn't going to make it and my little girl was going to have a life without her Mommy. I remember the first song that came out of my mouth when she got fussy for the first time in the hospital. "Someone's in the kitchen with Norah, Someone's in the kitchen I know, Someone's in the kitchen with Norah strumming on an old banjo." My weird and totally spontaneous version of "I've been working on the railroad". It was the song that she would calm to when she got fussy.
She was a fun baby and toddler, and we had so much fun hanging out. I was (and still am) very fortunate that I could stay home and be with her all day long.
When she was just shy of two years old, she scared the devil out of me. She was already going through the "terrible twos" and I was 7 months pregnant with her little brother. I remember being so frustrated with her because of her "two year old behavior" and me being so "pregnant" that I had little patience with her anymore. So its safe to say that we weren't exactly "getting along" real well. Well, Norah is one of those children that will spike a fever for unknown reasons. This one particular day, she woke up with a fever in the middle of the night that was around 103F. We did the motrin / tylenol thing and it just wasn't working. It would bring the fever down for a little bit and then 3 to 4 hours later it would spike back up again. So by mid-afternoon I called the "nurse on call" through our health clinic and they suggested putting her in a lukewarm bath. Thinking she loved "baths" I'd do just that. So I put her in a bath of "lukewarm" water and she started to shiver and I pulled her out warmed her up with a towel, put clothes on her and snuggled with her in my bed. All of a sudden, she shuddered this little shudder and then went "blank". Unresponsive. Stupid me called my Mom first and told her what happened and she made me hang up and call 911. I realized that my dog was out of her crate and the door was locked and I didn't want to leave her alone so I'm on the phone sobbing, carrying my unresponsive child down a flight of stairs who was gurgling and eyes were rolling back and she was turning blue. It seemed like an eternity for the ambulance to get to my house but it was just a few minutes in reality. They took my daughter and whisked her into the ambulance. They sat me down because they were afraid I was going to go into labor. By the time they took my blood pressure, I got my cellphone and purse, and crated the dog - she was stabilized in the ambulance. It was so sad, because my bright and intelligent little girl appeared to be in a vegetable like state. She was making this weird moaning sound and chewing on her fingers. I remember being in the ambulance and praying to God that I would be a much more patient and nicer Mommy to Norah if only she'd be okay. Several hours later at the hospital ER, she was much better. They brought her fever down, they ran a CAT scan and everything looked fine. I was so happy to hear her talk again and when I asked who her favorite American Idol was she told me "David Cook". Tears streamed down my face and I looked over and my Dad, who met me at the hospital, had tears in his eyes too. She had what they call a fibril seizure. This happens if a fever spikes too quickly. The lukewarm bath water brought her fever down which caused her to shiver. The shivering is our bodies way of trying to warm itself up and the combination of the shivering and the "virus" her body was trying to fight caused her fever to spike quickly. The bodies way of compensating was the fibril seizure. I can tell you it was the scariest thing I ever witnessed.
I sometimes think this was God's wake up call, His way of telling me that I needed to gain more patience with motherhood. I'm still learning the art of patience. Its not a "gift" bestowed upon me - its unfortunately a character flaw of mine and a trait I work hard on achieving every day of my life.
From all of this, I find I appreciate my little girl so much more. I am so lucky to have her. She makes me laugh, she gives me the best hugs and no matter how mean a Mom I can be, at the end of the day we make-up with hearty warm hugs and everything else doesn't matter anymore.
The other day, we found out that she was accepted at a private academy. A school she "test drove" and so wanted to go to. She "tested" extremely well on their entrance exam and the administrators and teachers all wanted her so badly to join their school community that they were willing to work with us financially. Says a lot about my little girl! We are so proud of her, but mostly excited because she is able to go to the school she wants to go to. I can't wait until August when she gets to experience "kindergarden" for the first time. We are so excited that we can give her this special gift of "education" at a school that fits her intelligence and personality!
She is a precocious almost 5 year old. She still tests my patience daily, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know she will go far in this world because she is a perfect blend of sweet, intelligent, funny, and naughty. With all the medical issues we face with her little brother, she has been an exceptional and understanding child. My son could not have a better "big sister". Its one thing my daughter excels at - being a great big sister to her little brother! I often get comments from other Moms that Norah is the sweetest and kindest person and she has great manners. I know it says a lot about my husband's and my parenting skills but it mostly says a lot about the person my little girl is. I feel so lucky that I can call her mine!
You have a gift with writing. Your blog is captivating. Norah is going to look at this entry when she is older and realize just how lucky she is to have you.
ReplyDeleteAnd, congrats on getting into the school!