I Miss Zoey .....

I thought I was the only person who's heart is still heavy, but I come to find out that my 2 year old and 4 year old miss our dog, Zoey too!  Its been a little over a month since we had to let her run off to heaven.

For the last week, both kids have shared their sadness and disappointment over the loss of our beloved pooch.  My 2 year old son will ask me, "where's Zoey Mommy?"  My 4 year old daughter will ask me "Mommy when can we get a new dog?" or "I miss Zoey."  Each time I have to remind them that Zoey is in heaven and she's also in our hearts.  That seems to pacify them for a little while.

Every once in a while I feel Zoey's presence in my home.  I wish so badly to be able to wrap my arms around her sturdy furry body and nuzzle my head into her shoulders.  I miss handing her an ice cube every time I open the freezer door.  I miss seeing her wagging tail as I descend the stairs in the morning.  I miss our walks.  I miss her company in the study when I'm using the computer.

Zoey was a very special dog, she was the replacement for a baby I miscarried.  After a year of trying and no new pregnancy - we felt a dog would be a perfect substitute.  We carefully picked the breed and breeder.  The breeder actually chose the dog for us.  Zoey was a black Labrador Retriever - a combination of an American and English Lab.  She was just "perfection" when it came to a family pet.  She, like my daughter, was a perfect blend of sweet, intelligent, funny and naughty!  You just couldn't help but fall deeply in love with her.

When my children came to be, Zoey, although a dog, was never really displaced in my heart or how I treated her.  How could I treat her like a "dog" when she was my "baby" for over a year - and my first baby?  She became humanized and I couldn't change that, nor did I really want to.  She knew me well, she knew what made me "tick" as they say.  My life became really crazy shortly after we put her down, so I don't truly believe I had the chance to grieve properly.  I sort of had to "brush" that part of life aside to manage other more pressing things.  Now that life has settled, I realize that I miss her presence very much and as the weather starts to turn towards spring, my heart is going to ache when I take walks outside and she's not walking by my side.  Zoey was my Best Furry Friend - she loved me unconditionally, even on the days I wasn't so nice to her.

I spent about 9 months trying to help her heal a bum ACL.  Then at Christmas time she became very ill as a result of the anti-inflammatory meds she was on to help with the ACL pain.  We almost lost her the week before Christmas.  We were able to get her past that hurdle only for her to tear the other ACL a month later leaving her totally lame.  It was such a hard decision to send her off to heaven, but knowing now how complicated our life was going to be a few weeks after her departure - it was the best decision for not only Zoey but for the rest of us too.

I don't know when I'll be ready to get another dog.  I believe kids should have a meaningful pet - but my heart is still heavy and I don't know if I can open myself up to loving another dog again.

I sure hope Zoey, that you are having a grand ole time up in heaven!  Come visit me often - and I promise you some day I'll get one of those damn rabbits!