Worry Gene propels into action once again ...

My blog is my "therapy".  A year ago Valentine's Day my wonderful husband set up this blog for me as a gift.  Writing has always been my way to unleash the worry bugs that float around in my head.

I've managed to "contain" my worry and channel it in more productive ways over the last year.  Many things I've learned to just let roll off of the back.

Today though, the worry gene reared its ugly head, causing me a near panic attack.

At 6am this morning, Norah comes into my room tells me that her chest hurts, she can't breathe.  Of course I'm half asleep and I told her to hop in bed on Daddy's empty side and relax for a second.  I then proceed to place my ear on her chest to listen to her heart.  I hear a thump thump ... thump.  That freaked me out.  So I told her to lay still and I listened again.  The same thump thump ... thump.  It sounded irregular so I dragged Jon out of the shower and told him to come listen.  He too hears the irregular sound.

So we asked her  how she felt and she said her chest hurt to breathe and it felt as if someone had punched her in the chest.

I could feel the pit of my stomach rising.  What do I do?  So we decided we'd take her to the ER.  As I was putting socks on her feet at the top of the stairs she tells me she thinks she's going to vomit.  Of course I'm looking at her telling her "no you're not, you already had the stomach virus on Friday," and sure as you know it I could tell it was on its way out and I held my hands under her mouth as if I was going to catch it with my bare hands all the while yelling to Jon.  He manages to grab her and run to the bathroom and to the toilet and out comes the contents of the night's before dinner and dessert.

So now we are both baffled and I didn't know what to do.  She told me her chest hurt, her throat hurt from getting sick and now her stomach doesn't feel so good.

I grabbed the phone and called the "nurse on call" and she was just as baffled and told us that given the chest pain and irregular beating that she needed to be seen within 4 hours.  I could feel that sensation of anxiety running through every nerve in my body.  It's a feeling I hadn't felt since last February 11th after Donovan vomited for 36 straight hours and no one could figure out why.  And the feeling I had when Norah had her febrile seizure when she was almost 2 years old.  It's really a very unnerving feeling and not one I enjoy having.  I can tell you I was scared to the core, and I can't tell you why.

We get to the doctors office at 8:15am.  The doctor did a thorough look at her after we talked about what was going on with Norah "medically speaking" since Friday morning.  He too heard an irregular heartbeat but explained to me that it was a "normal" irregular heartbeat often heard in children her age, certain valves aren't "developed" completely and that is what causes this weird thump thump ... thump sound.  Funny enough, he looked at me before describing things and asked what I did for a living.  When I explained that Norah's brother has a heart valve issue he realized that my "worry" was beyond justified.  He knew that he could explain things in greater detail and I'd "get it".

The good news is that her heart is "perfect" based on his exam and listening to her.  Her "irregularity" did happen but it was when he made her breathe in deeply.  Not unusual he said.  As far as the single "vomiting" issue, he thinks it may have been a case of "reflux".  That because her stomach had been strained on Friday when she was sick with the stomach virus that it hadn't completely healed.  So it was pushing things back up and causing her to probably "reflux" which might explain the "chest hurting as if someone punched her" feeling.  He wanted her to take it easy today and if the symptoms got worse or were accompanied by dizziness and sweating then for sure take her to the ER immediately.  Since she wasn't having any other issues, he felt that she'd be okay.

I got to the car, called Jon (as we always do when only one of us goes to the doctor's with the kids) told him what the doctor said.  Hung up and the tears streamed down my face.  I couldn't hold back the sobbing.  I told Norah, that if she ever questioned as to whether or not "I loved her" that she was to take a look at the tears running down my face and remember them.  These are tears of relief, tears of holding back "worry" because if anything ever happened to her - I'd be devastated.  She means that much to me that tears escaped my eyes because I was so thankful and happy that she was okay.  I hugged her a lot today.

God I love that little girl, keep her well and safe! Please!  Amen!