I grew-up in a wonderful family setting. My Dad was (still is) a dedicated worker and provider for his family. My Mom was a stay-at-home Mom. You could count on Mom always being there when you needed her, whether it was to bandage a boo-boo or heal a broken heart or smooth over hurt feelings. You could count on my Dad being able to fix anything that was broken, whether it was a material item or a shattered self-esteem.
I always felt safe and loved. Even when we got the occasional and well-deserved smack on the rump (or "du-pa" as my Dad calls it). I would never have questioned my parent's discipline or the rare "corporal punishment" they may have used to help us learn what was "right" and "wrong". We typically knew we'd get punished in some fashion for doing the stupid things we did after we did them. It was all part of the learning process and growing-up. In fact, I remember my first grade class getting spanked with the dreaded 1 1/2 inch thick paddle because of a few "bad apples" in the class. Something that was never questioned, just understood that if you did something you were expected not to do (or one of your classmates did something and the teacher couldn't figure out who), the paddle would meet your backside.
I remember walking the mile (or so) to school in the morning and home again in the afternoon without any worries. I use to take tennis lessons at the local park, I'd spend hours there with a few friends without any worries. I'd walk or ride my bike to the library that was a couple of miles away either with a friend I collected on my way or by myself. It never occurred to me that there would be any sort of safety issue. I was given free reign to explore the world. To develop the person I am today.
My siblings and I knew our boundaries and we pretty much held to them, but we weren't micro-managed. One thing was for sure, we could always count on my Mom being there if something wasn't right. And my Dad was always just a phone call away.
I had relatives tell me that they use to call us the "Waltons" because my parents and siblings and I were just too perfect. I have to laugh because every family has its issues - we weren't by any stretch perfect. Just for us, the issues were typically minor and we respected each other. I'm sure our Catholic upbringing didn't hurt either. I was raised during the tail-end of the "fire and brimstone" homilies. You know where there was this distinct line between good/evil and whether or not you were going to Heaven or Hell by how you behaved. So that always played in the back of my head. And the description of "hell" wasn't exactly the place I would want to call my final resting place!
I never had a curfew. I'm not sure why but I think it was because my parents knew I was a rule follower and that my friends all had curfews so what was I going to do by myself after they all had to be home. I can tell you though, I always called my parents if I knew I'd be out late. Even well into my 20s when I lived at home. It was all about "respect". I knew they would at least subconsciously worry, so I wanted to lighten the worry load. I can tell you though, I liked knowing that they worried about me, made me feel safe and loved.
I am lucky too that my parents have a wonderful marriage and have been married for 57+ years. That stability definitely played a huge and positive influence on our family dynamics. It definitely helped shape the person I am today. Through my parents, I was taught to respect others! They are the perfect people to set such an example of love, family and devotion!
So now I have children of my own. And my worries have been many in the 5 1/2 years of parenthood. My Norah, had a febrile seizure when she was almost two years old - one of the scariest things I ever had to witness. My Donovan has exceeded my worry meter! I have learned to hug and kiss my kids often every day. They are my world and I want nothing but the best for both of them, but I also want to instill in important values - to be kind, generous and loving human beings. I want them to grow-up to be people that will respect the people around them. I want them to have "integrity". All things that my husband and I can teach them. And sometimes the lessons come with the smack on the backside, the time out or the relinquishing of a precious toy. Norah knows already that I will not tolerate a phone call, email or note from a teacher telling me that she was disrespectful to either a teacher, administrator, parent or a fellow student.
So now I think about today ... in the wake of a horrible tragedy where a kid open fired at a high school in a nearby community yesterday morning shooting 5 of his classmates, 3 of those kids sadly didn't make it. Three teenagers that had a whole life ahead of them, mercilessly stripped away by a fellow classmate - for what? A teenager, who threw his life away in an instant by shooting bullets into his classmates. Why? Where are we going wrong with our children? How did our world become so violent, inhumane, so cruel, untrusting, unsafe?
I listened to a few "talk shows" on the radio yesterday and everyone had a different opinion. But what I feel it comes down to is the lack of a solid positive family dynamics. The lack of parents parenting their kids. We can blame things on the lack of gun control laws, or the internet, social media, etc. But in reality parents have been passing off their children over the last 30 years to others to manage, whether it be a daycare center, babysitter, nanny, grandparent, teachers, etc. - yet the two people that really need to be in a child's life often time are the two people the child hardly ever sees.
I am a stay at home mom. It was the hardest decision for me to make. I loved working, I loved making money but I looked in the eyes of my daughter after she was born and knew that I couldn't leave her in the care of someone else for 11 hours a day - leaving me having only a few hours to hold her, love her and mould her. I literally threw away a good career to be my children's full-time "Mom". The hardest job I've ever had but the most rewarding job I've ever had. I know someday I'll be back working full-time, but my kids need that stability to help them be the best people they can be. I know they won't be perfect, but I'll know that I did everything I could to help them along! I'm sure I'm going to offend some working moms out there by what I just said. We all have to do what is right by ourselves and our kids. Some Mom's think working full-time works best for them - and I don't dispute that. I think for my family - staying home works best for us.
I do a lot of observing. The thing that really bugged me this weekend, was when we went out to dinner with our kids, I noticed in the 10 tables around me, 6 of the 10 tables the people at the table (including those with young children) were busy with their "smart phones". There was this total lack of communication. When we go out to dinner, the kids are our focus. We play games at the table such as Disney 20 questions, or I-spy while we are waiting to be served our food. We talk about our day, we interact, we communicate. Why go out to dinner with people and then spend time on your mobile devices instead of enjoying the time you have face to face with another human being? No wonder why kids feel so "lonely", even when you are there physically, you are not if your phone is your focus. These types of actions are not self-esteem boosting. I certainly would have resented my parents if they did this to me.
I'm not sure why this teenager felt the need to shoot a group of his fellow-classmates. Not sure what "chip inside" his head switched to "overload", but I do wonder if his parents really knew him? Did they sit and watch t.v. with him, play video games with him, read books with him, just talk about life in general with him? Or were they like the 60% of the parents I noticed on Sunday night too busy with their "smart phones" to converse and get to know the ins and outs of their child.
My heart goes out to the parents, siblings, other family members and friends of those young men who lost their lives. My prayers are with the two teenagers in the hospital because of their sustained injuries. My thoughts and prayers are with the whole community of Chardon. I hope that with time, their hearts will be healed, their worries will be lessened and they can attempt to go about life as normal as one can given the tragedy they experienced.
As much as I want to hate the boy who fired the shots, down deep, I know that there is something more going on then him being an evil person. From some news reports, I don't believe his family foundation was strong enough to support him. I feel for him and his family as well - definitely not a good situation all around.
No comments:
Post a Comment