I think I spent the better part of the last week trying to avoid 9/11. Everywhere I turned, people were discussing the up and coming 10th year anniversary of 9/11 - postings on facebook, television commercials and previews of the many programs dedicated to mark the 10 year anniversary since that horrific day in NYC, DC, and Shanksville, PA, and on 3 commercial airplanes and really the United States at large.
I don't think one person will forget where they were when they heard about the first plane crashing into the World Trade Center Tower. The first plane didn't strike me so hard, it was the second plane that made me realize that this was a planned event by evil people. Flight 93 apparently flew over my city before crashing into Shanksville, PA some 200+ miles away. I remember being insanely worried about my oldest brother who travels daily on airplanes it seems and never knowing where he's traveling too. I had co-workers traveling on planes as well. Not knowing what was still left to come in horrific acts that day, left my body trembling in fear. All in all it was a wake up call that life is too short and every day is a gift!
I struggled with "hoopla" attached to this 10th anniversary; however, I believe that we need to conduct a respectful memorial every September 11th - to honor those who lost their lives and to celebrate the heroism and selflessness of those who attempted to help save others despite the dangers they were facing head-on.
What worried me the most was that this 10th anniversary was graphic in nature. It wasn't bad enough to see things unfold on 9/11/01 and revisiting it for days to come afterwards - many television stations aired for a good 5 days documentaries/shows showing the graphic details of what happened - as if we had never seen it before. I wondered if that was truly necessary. I guess I personally didn't want to relive that day, and I wasn't affected like others were. I did not lose a family member or friend. I did lose, however, some freedoms.
Last night I caved and watched one of the documentaries. It was a timeline of events beginning with the crash of the first plane and I only had enough in me to watch until the collapse of the first tower. I struggled with watching it yesterday more so than watching it unfold "live" because I was seeing faces of the victims. I saw faces and heard voices of fire-fighters as they rushed into the buildings and I knew these people never made it out alive. All I could think of was, that person's family or friend is watching this and that is the last image they have of that person. I heard myself saying, don't go in there the building is going to collapse. I saw a person jump from a burning building. I saw people waving clothing to attempt to get someone's attention to rescue them and then being told by a bystander who was video taping the situation, turn the video away and say "oh my God that person waving the white flag just jumped from the building".
I realized after watching an hour of that documentary, that I wasn't annoyed with the "hoopla" of the 10th anniversary, I just wanted to avoid reliving that day. It was much harder to watch things unfold knowing what the ending was going to be then to be back on that day watching things unfold for the first time. I didn't want to be reminded of what a shitty day that day was, because every time we are reminded of what those terrorists did - it gives them that much more power over you and me.
I made a concerted effort to move on with my life yet I do pay a memorial respect to the victims and heroes and their loved ones. I am pleased that NYC, DC and Shanksville, PA - have appropriate memorials, and I hope someday to be able to visit each one. I pray for the victims, their families and friends. They will hold a place in my heart.
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