Bad Choices

My day is not going as well as I dreamed it would.  I'll spare you all the details but this one ...

We live in a neighborhood where it has been hard for my kids to find or be invited to play with other kids.  Luckily we have great neighbors that live behind us and the kids love to play with each other.  With the kids getting older its made things easier to just let the kids play in the backyards while I work (I work from home).  I can watch them while sitting at the kitchen table or breakfast counter.

Today my kids were invited to play with the kids behind us.  I'm always leery of letting Donovan go and play because of his "fragility", but I also want him to have some independence so I let him go because he too was invited.  I kept a watchful eye on the kids, they were having a grand time playing and then at some point a major garden-hose war got started and the kids were soaking wet but happy as can be.  No big deal, I was more relieved to see they all were playing well and having fun so the drenched clothing wasn't even an issue.

I walked out to bring the kids towels and they were ready to come home.  So I asked if they wanted me to come get them.  The girls, Norah and her friend said "no, we'll walk the short way home".  I asked them if they'd like me to meet them at the "corner" and they said, "no, we'll be fine".  I feel at one point in my life I need to let down the "overly protective shield" a little bit.  I need to trust that my kids will start making decisions for themselves and hopefully chose the "best" decision.  It is the only way they are going to learn.  Right??

So I waited and waited for the kids, at least 5 minutes go by and they still haven't arrived home.  I decided to walk to the corner to see if I could see them.  My Norah has a tendency to meander and Donovan has those short little legs and he was carrying a beach towel so I was getting concerned that maybe he tripped and fell and that was what was holding them up.  I got to the corner no sight or sound of them.  So I walked a little further still no sight or sound, so I was wondering if maybe they went the "long" way around the block.  So I headed back home, went into the backyard to make sure that they had left and I noticed that the neighbor kid's grandfather was standing in the backyard.  He asked me if I had seen the kids.  I said no, I'm getting concerned now because I walked to the corner and they aren't there and he said he has been standing on the deck looking between houses to see them pass by and he hasn't caught sight of them either.  He said he was going to drive around the block to see if he could find them.

I decided to go the "long way" to see if maybe they went that way and were just meandering or if someone got hurt, etc.  As I get almost to the corner of the "long way" my cell phone rings.  It's my Dad calling me asking me if I knew where my kids were.  I said, I'm hoping you are going to tell me they are with you!  They were.  They decided to take the "long way" around the block because Norah's friend said then they could hang out together a little longer (I'd think this was cute but all 4 kids defied my rule of going the short way so I was miffed to say the least).  Well, as they got to the end of the street Norah decided to go to Grandma and Poppa's house to show her friends were they lived.  I come to find out that it was Donovan's idea (Norah told me after she was severely punished that Donovan came in and apologized to her because it was all his fault because he wanted to go to Grandma's house).

I think its cute that the kids wanted to see their grandparents.  I appreciate that they love them so much they wanted to visit.  But what I am so angry about is that they needed to clear this with me first, and I needed to walk with them because at the age of 6 and almost 4, they are too young to make this walk by themselves.  The other thing is that in a part of our development a year ago, a child was approached by a stranger to join him in his car.  No amount of stranger danger courses is going to stop a curious child from going with someone who has candy or toys or says their mom is looking for them, etc.  After exploding in anger and yelling at the kids until I was red in the face and ready to pass out, I explained to Norah what could have happened.  It was because I love her and her brother so much is why I am so angry that she made this bad choice.  That I was scared half to death they were abducted because no one could locate them.  That if something happened to them that it would be the end of me and her dad.  That we would die of broken hearts!  I also had to drill into her head as to what could happen if a stranger nabbed her.  I think that alone scared her enough to realize that Mommy was upset because she was scared.  I'm hoping that next time she'll think twice before making decisions.

Today is one of those rare days where I wish I was childless.  The anxiety and worry of not knowing where my children were for those 10 minutes was awful - and all that horrible thoughts of what could have happened,  I think I aged 10 years for every minute of worry and anxiety!